When I Was a Young Photon

January 20, 2025 - Evo Numy

Cover image generated on DeepAI.org

“I” drifted into unconsciousness.

I forgot my Human self and remembered when I was a young photon. Once again, I remembered the billions of years that went into my making. The starlight in my veins cried out in joy as I remembered my beginnings.

I remember that I was once a photon and many eons from now, I will become a photon once more. The starlight begged me to communicate so others would remember and understand. It gave me a prompt:
Look at yourself and remember who you are. Remind them of who they once were.

“I” slipped away and felt eons pass by as I crossed through space and time. I was a single, lone photon hurtling through the vast emptiness of space. I saw myself, starlight, a particle of light, a photon, an idea. I traveled endlessly past galaxies, black holes, asteroids, stars and planets. A trip with no purpose, a journey without an end. Time flew by but I did not notice because I was not aware of time yet. It did not affect me nor did I have any need to keep track of time.

I remember I had suddenly made contact with something. I struck an innumerable amount of photons stuck together. We were not photons anymore, we turned into matter. We came together and separated in strange patterns, forming things and taking on various forms. We were still asleep, unaware of ourselves or the others. We were molded into electrons, atoms, particles, molecules, elements, and indescribable, complex constructions. We eventually formed a rock in space filled with fantastic structures.

Then one day, I was taken. Taken by something wildly strange and chaotic and become one with it. I learned later that things like this are called “living.” I came to be one with the living thing for a while. I felt myself float up to the edge of the dream, hypnopompia. I almost felt something, I was on the edge of something new but then, I fell asleep again. I had parted with the living thing.

I came to experience many of these cycles. I would go between deep, dreamless sleep and hypnopompia. I experienced “living” even though I myself was not alive. I went through the cycles of LIFE. I gradually became more aware of the living, aware of myself but I was always falling short of something.

In time, I became familiar with the living things and recognized their different forms. Air, water, soil, fungus, bugs, fish, birds, plants, animals and humans. I experienced an innumerable amount of cycles until one day, I was an egg. I remember another photon approached me while I was traveling towards an exit.

“Hello.” It said to me.

“Hello.” I said. “I see you are a photon also.”

“Yes, we are alike. We have both experienced living but we have not truly been alive.”

“Do you know what it's like to be alive?”

“I don’t know. I was told by an awakened photon that it is wonderful. There are different ways of living. Like, you can be alive but unconscious or alive with limited sentience or alive but share consciousness with many others.”

“Sentience and consciousness… what are those things?” I said.

“Oh!” The other photon exclaimed. “Those are hard to describe without experiencing them. I was told sentience is when you experience these things called ‘feelings’ and consciousness is knowing you are awake.”

“But I know I’m awake right now!”

“Kinda. We’re on the edge of being awake but we are not truly awake. We’re still dreaming. Do you want to see what being alive is like? I want to. I’m trying to find someone who wants to be alive too.”

“Sure.” I said. “Sentience, feelings, consciousness sound like wonderful things. I want to try them out. I want to experience everything and become everything!”

We then combined and we became I. I was born; I gained sentience, feelings and consciousness. I woke up.

*****

Now that I am a Human, I can remember who I used to be. I can look back and remember being a photon who has travelled through space and time and experienced all stages of coming to consciousness. Now that I am human, I can remember, understand, and look forward to what lies ahead of me.

One day, I will become more photons and those photons will travel through space and time and repeat the cycle. Other parts of me will fall asleep again and be consumed by the living. Then, those parts will become another living thing.

One day, I will awaken and remember again.