August 13, 2025, Snickerdoodle
Photo by me.
Once again, I reflect on the decline of my mental faculties. Memories fade little by little, my personality becomes more erratic, socialization becomes more and more tedious.
I Memory Fade
Things that happened years ago and things that happened days ago, are equally distant. They are far away and fragmented. Memories at my foundation are crumbling. I have a harder time recalling certain memories and I’m having a hard time with my short term memory. More often, I stop mid-conversation with my partner because I forgot what we were talking about or what I was just saying.
II Erratic Personality
Due to my memories fading, my personality has been shifting and regressing. The things and experiences that have made me, cannot be not found. Error. Error. I am silent and brooding more often than not. I don’t have much to root myself onto. I do not know who to be each morning.
III Tedious Socialization
Socialization has become harder. I become less and less attuned to social cues. I’m afraid to look people in the face. Making eye contact is terrifying. Eyes are a terrifying thing. I have less and less desire to talk to anyone because my ability to carry a conversation is slipping away. I stutter and fumble over my words. I pause in awkward places in my sentences. I cannot articulate my thoughts clearly anymore.
I grow tired of myself, of others and of society. What I want more than anything in the world, is a quiet place away from the rest of humanity. Get me away from all the toxic fumes coming off the Internet, take me away from this apathetic military town, let me leave this meaningless existence. I’ve become Decay and Decline.