October 19, 2025. 1730~2130
Photo by me.
The following is a recounting of one of my journeys after the experience.
I lost myself. All my memories, brain cells and instincts. I forgot how to function. I forgot who I was and what I was. I became a simple, unconscious lifeform.
Over an hour, I gained awareness of my surroundings. I was able to connect to my senses once again. I could see, recognize shapes and patterns. I was able to identify objects and attach meaning and memories to them. I got used to my new senses and started forming thoughts in my new brain.
Within the next half hour, I became self aware. I learned that I was different from the other objects around me. I could make decisions, move and act. I could create memories and scenarios. I was able to interpret and understand my inner thoughts, probe them, contemplate the self and what I was. I came to learn that I was a rat.
In the next few minutes, I became aware of other rats. They were like me but operated slightly differently. They had different thoughts, actions, goals, environments and experiences that shaped them. They were also self aware and had consciousness.
I then became aware of other things that were not rats but were not objects. These things were made differently. They thought, acted and existed on a different level. I knew just because I couldn't fully understand them or know them didn't mean that I was better than them. These things were to be treated with the same respect and compassion that I had for other rats and myself.
Immediately, I became aware of bigger things. I saw the object that we all existed on, Earth, and where this object resided. The Earth was smaller than a speck of dust in an infinitely vast universe. I saw the scale of the Earth compared to the rest of the universe and time itself. I felt a primal, sickening terror. A horrible fear that could not be put into words because my mind went blank with sheer dread. I saw myself, where I was and where I existed on the cosmic scale.
I then saw that our tiny speck of dust was a terrarium. Even though the Earth seemed infinitely large to us, it was terrifyingly small and claustrophobic. So much was packed into a tiny little thing hurtling through a minefield that is the universe. I was filled with so much existential fear and dread.
I jumped forward and saw the things to come for our terrarium. I saw resources running out. I saw the cycles that sustain life collapse. I saw rats and other organisms dying in scores upon scores. I saw the Earth die. The universe then went dark.
Our terrarium was the only place in the entire cosmos that held life. Now that the last life died, there was nothing to acknowledge the universe. I saw the universe die because of us. I shrieked but no one could hear me because we were already doomed.